I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize