Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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