Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
