it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
