tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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