I think I died a long time ago.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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