there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
