Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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