I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize