OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i now understand why vodka
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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