i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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