I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
