would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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