If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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