Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
