you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
