I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
