i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
