So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
