ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
