FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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