so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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