I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it's like iHOP with fire
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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