omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
