I'm eating all of the evidence.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
