My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
