last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
