I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
