I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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