I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
