Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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