I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
