can we get nightvision for the apartment?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
