i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
