well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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