so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
