oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
