She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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