forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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