my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
