My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
