We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
