OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
