So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
