my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh god it's open bar.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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