I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
