I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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