The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize