Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize