I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
