So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
