dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
