Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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