If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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