Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
