she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
