Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize