So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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