I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
