Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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