omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
