actually, I'm a sock model
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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