I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You took a bar mat shot.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
