When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
