She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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