belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
