Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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