Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
